While Wellbeing And Mindfulness Are Now Familiar Trends, Self-Compassion Is The New Black
"The slow-moving education machine is finally catching up with the news that prioritising wellbeing inevitably leads to teaching well, learning well and living well"
11 years ago, when I began offering wellbeing programmes in schools, I didn’t dare use the terms ‘mindfulness’ or ‘meditation’ in my introduction for fear of being banished from the school grounds, labelled a ‘new age hippy’ or far too ‘woowoo’ for ‘proper’ education.
Fast forward to 2017 and mindfulness is now all the rage. In fact it’s almost considered mainstream. And thankfully wellbeing is finally on the agenda too. The slow and ancient machine of education is catching up with the news that prioritising wellbeing inevitably leads to teaching well, learning well and living well.
I believe that if you’re too busy to be kind, you’re too busy. However, when I share this premise with fellow educators I am often met with weary faces of desperation pleading “Have you any idea what it’s like to be a teacher?” “How can I possibly be less busy?” “Do you know what is expected of me?”
You see, I do know what is expected of you. I do know what the system demands of you. And I do know how many hours are allocated to us on this planet each day. (Hint: it’s never enough.) I’m not suggesting there’s an easy answer, but I am proposing there is a way to bring more humanity to our education system, to our educators and to our children – mindful self-compassion.
Mindful self-compassion not only brings all the benefits of mindfulness – being aware of the moment, calming the mind (or for you scientists: quieting the hyper-vigilant, protective amygdala) – but it also brings loving kindness into the mix along with common humanity.
Kindness is the one of the most underrated qualities in education. We are so busy being bombarded with targets, striving to reach new measurements and competing for the top of the global league tables, that we have fallen asleep to kindness – the gem in the heart of teaching.
Kindness is what helps a child keep going, even when they just don’t get it. Kindness helps a young person feel safe when they are afraid to speak up about the abuse they are suffering. Kindness supports a teacher who has come in to school, despite the fact they are grieving the loss of a loved one.
Dalai Lama
Students thrive when they receive kindness. They flourish when encouraged, praised, supported and nurtured. Strangely enough, so do teachers. After all we’re simply more experienced, knowledgeable students in grown up clothes. So why wouldn’t we prioritise our humanity in a system that cultivates little people into bigger people, that will ultimately go out and change the world – for better or for worse?
According to Kristin Neff, world-leading expert in mindful self-compassion, there are three components to self-compassion: mindfulness, self-kindness and common humanity.
Mindfulness is a balanced state of awareness. Its opposite is mindlessness and over-identification. When we are mindful we can be fully present with our situations, even painful ones, and let go of our ‘stories’ of suffering.
Self-kindness is treating ourselves with care, understanding and support – just as we would a dear friend or loved one. Its counterpart is self-judgement. Compassion is concerned with the alleviation of suffering and actively soothing or comforting when we are in pain, rather than criticising or harshly judging.
Common humanity enables us to recognise that everyone suffers sometimes, everyone struggles sometimes, and everyone experiences the pain of making a mistake or failing too. By recognising the imperfection of the human condition, we let go of the isolation we experience when we encounter difficulty.
Contrary to common misconceptions, self-compassion doesn’t make us weak or self-indulgent. Rather, it inspires resilience! In a plethora of research by Neff, Germer, Gilbert and many others, self-compassion is strongly linked to positive states:
- Self-compassionate people are more able to cope with tough situations like trauma, divorce or chronic pain.
- Self-compassionate people engage in healthier behaviours such as exercise, eating well and drinking less.
- Self-compassionate people have high personal standards – they don’t just beat themselves up when they fail. This means they are less afraid of failure and more likely to try again and to persist in their efforts after failing.
- Self-compassionate people take greater responsibility for their actions and are more likely to compromise in relationship conflicts and are more compassionate toward others.
These studies verify why cultivating a mindful self-compassion habit might be exceptionally valuable for you and your students. Whether you are a leader, a teacher or the lunchtime supervisor; being self-compassionate will significantly improve your wellbeing.
In summary, mindful self-compassion reduces stress, depression, anxiety, shame and negative body image and increases happiness, life satisfaction, optimism and physical health.
Teaching children and young people is, I believe, one of the best jobs in the world. Sadly one of the biggest problems with teaching is there is always something more to do (it’s just like housework), there is never enough time to do it, and there is often a state of emergency for getting it all done.
Mindful self-compassion helps soften around the edges of our striving 21st-century judgemental and self-judgemental norms. (Neff’s data suggests that 78% of people are more compassionate towards others than themselves.) It soothes us when things are tough and it gives us tangible ways to meet the challenges we face as teachers. It also helps us to meet the pain of our students who are often struggling in a system that can be relentless and unforgiving.
So when you have a moment, why not clear out your wardrobe of all those 20th-century unfriendly garbs? Replace them with a gorgeous new outfit – perhaps a sharp suit or a classic-cut, black dress. Not only will it fit you like a glove and look stunning on you; you will be gently leading kindness into the classroom. You will also be inviting people in your learning community to seek out a fabulous little black number for themselves.
Kathryn Lovewell (kathrynlovewell.com) is a passionate Mindful Self-Compassion teacher who maintains a therapeutic practice at The Inner Journey Clinic in Harley Street, London. She has been teaching meditation and self-inquiry since 2006, creating personal and professional development programmes to inspire emotional health and wellbeing in education, is the author of the bestselling book Every Teacher Matters; Inspiring Wellbeing through Mindfulness and co-author of The Positive Edge Journal, and is the co-founder of The Teacher Sanctuary – a global online wellbeing resource for teachers which provides a plethora of practical wellbeing support.
