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“Stop Eating Your Shoe” – 17 Things You Never Thought You’d Have To Say…Until You Became A Teacher

Having 30 children in front of you all day every day means that sometimes things come out of your mouth that you couldn't imagine saying elsewhere, here are some of the best online

  • “Stop Eating Your Shoe” – 17 Things You Never Thought You’d Have To Say…Until You Became A Teacher

You expect to have a few difficult conversations with children. Conflict resolution and talk of appropriate behaviour can be a tightrope walk, but sometimes you have a clear-cut thing that needs saying. Mostly, some variation on, ‘Don’t do that!’

Don’t hit! Don’t bite! Stop chewing gum! Pay attention!

But sometimes you’re put in a situation where you have to say the strangest things to young people. Things you never thought you’d have to say. Things that sound absolutely bizarre outside of the classroom context. But these are things that teachers often have to pull out of the bag, no matter how crazy they sound.

Things like this:

1. Thanks, but no thanks

“Please don’t bring me presents from the toilet.”
Jenn M

2. Focus

“You can’t type while you’re dancing.”

3. No one should ever need to be told this

“Stop eating your shoe.”
Arlene Y

4. One minute it’s loom bands…

“You can’t wear your grilled cheese as a bracelet.”

5. #AforEffort

“You did a great job putting on your belt. Now go back in the bathroom and turn your pants around.”
Sara S

6. Put that away!

To someone who is texting in class: “There are two things you could be doing with your hands underneath the table like that and neither one is appropriate for my class.”

7. Talking of which

8. Or anybody, really, except maybe consenting adults

“We don’t pee on our friends.”
Sara M

9. Really, why?

“Why did you glue your sandwich to your desk?”
Wendy B

10. We know they’re quite similar, but…

“We are in 5th grade not prison and no one will be ‘shanking’ anyone.”
Nikki N

11. Home school

“There are no questions about your grandma on that test.”

12. And more importantly, how?

“Why do you have two left shoes on?”
Valerie Yost Amer

13. The age-old school mystery

“Whose poop is in the sink?”

14. I don’t remember this in Return of the Jedi

“You just can’t play light sabers with your private parts in school!”

15. Following instructions

“Nothing about your warm-up asks you to bark at your classmates.”

16. It’s a science question

“Are you really asking me why you shouldn’t eat the Lego?”
Julia Berner

17. Definitely too much information

“I’m not sure your parents want you to tell me why your dad isn’t allowed on the internet any more.”

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