The minutes from your last staff wellbeing meeting
“Being bendy might be useful when they start chucking stuff” – Tom Starkey takes a tongue-in-cheek look at the effectiveness of staff meetings
- by Tom Starkey
Present: GL – (Deputy Vice Principal) RL PB CC
Apologies from: TR (due to illness) TT (due to illness) GH (due to illness) FH (due to illness) HK (due to illness)
Meeting held in: The art studio, being the only available room that doesn’t have at least one migraine-inducing flickering fluorescent light.
Item 1
The answer is out there… The meeting had been called by senior management to try to pinpoint the reasons for, and alleviate the issues surrounding, a perceived decline in staff wellbeing. Attendees were asked to suggest what the main problems might be.
“Meetings.” – CC “Endless meetings.” – RL “**** endless meetings.” – PB
GL stated that he would look into the many and varied reasons that had been stated and call a meeting with other members of the senior leadership team to see if they couldn’t get to the heart of the matter in this hugely multifaceted issue. Responders were also invited.
Item 2
What is a downward dog, anyway? GL was pleased to announce that a yoga consultant had been bought in for training to help staff to try and manage their stress levels. At this point the other attendees’ stress levels seemed to go through the roof.
“As much as I would love to learn good form in downward dog,” stated PB, “I’m not sure it’s massively relevant when trying to teach 9LL simultaneous equations.”
“I dunno. Being bendy might be useful when they start chucking stuff,” mused RL. “You could go all Neo from The Matrix and dodge it.”
“Will yoga help with the time it takes to complete a set of books using the new triplicate mark scheme?” asked CC, with more than a hint of ice in her tone. “Does this yoga have the potential to bend time, perhaps, and extend the hours in the day so I might not have to be green-penning it until 11pm every night?”
GL stated that this wasn’t on the website but he could certainly look into it. He assured people that yoga is definitely a good way to manage stress.
Item 3
QED “Wouldn’t it be better to try and minimise the reasons for stress rather than our reactions to it?” asked RL. “I mean, if workload was lessened, perhaps we wouldn’t have to pay someone to come in and teach us how to roll about on a mat for an hour?”
GL informed those present that the yoga training would in fact be an all-day event.
“But that doesn’t leave any time for department planning,” explained RL, very carefully.
GL stated that planning would then have to be shifted to another time in the day. Break or lunch, for example? As the yoga training would be compulsory, perhaps they should organise a meeting to plan when planning could take place?
At this point in time RL, PB and CC all had to leave for their next meeting. Unfortunately they all went on sick the day after.
AOB
No. Even if there were, someone else would have to sort it, I can feel myself coming down with something as well.
Meeting adjourned
For now.
