Last Meeting’s Minutes (Unedited) – Prom Organisation Committee Meeting
Organising the award for strongest deodorant and picking a theme where decorations can be bought in the pound shop – who wouldn't want to plan Prom night?
- by Tom Starkey
Prom Organisation Committee Meeting
Present: AR, RF, AF, GF
Meeting held in: the school hall, ostensibly to ‘get everyone in the mood’
Prevailing mood: cold, uncomfortable, reluctant
ITEM 1 – Awards
It was suggested by AR that instead of the usual recognition for academic, sporting and pastoral achievement, this year’s prom prizes should be awarded for ‘Most Inappropriate Dress’, ‘Strongest Deodorant’ and ‘Earliest Throwing Up’.
RF countered that the first and second categories would have so many applicants as to make the judging nigh-on impossible, and the third would invariably be won by Devon, as he had already beaten all comers in that particular event on two field trips, not to mention the ill-fated County Basketball Semis.
It was decided that the more traditional awards categories were probably the way to go.
ITEM 2 – Theme
AF suggested that it might make planning easier if there was a theme so he’d know roughly what he was looking for when he went to the pound shop to stock up on decorations. This was agreed and a conversation ensued as to what theme would be the most conducive to having decorations available in the pound shop.
Themes suggested: Gangsters and Molls (“But the classy gangsters, not the ones that need pulling their trousers up and mumble a lot” from AR): This was rejected on the grounds that the outgoing Y11 perhaps may need steering away from criminal activity rather encouragement to dive headlong into it, in full costume.
James Bond: Rejected with reference to 11C’s infamous, if impressively profitable, Autumn term ‘casino’ project for Business Studies.
Back to the 90s: (“So we could call it a disco and forget about the limousines and the rest of that guff.”)
It was eventually decided that the theme should be ‘Prom’. Again.
ITEM 3 – Student suggestions
As per GF’s request that student voice be an important part of the event (“Oh God, does it have to be? They’re so loud already…”) the prom suggestion boxes that had been distributed across the school building were opened.
A great many suggestions were of the extremely lewd variety, some with accompanying diagrams. However here are a few of the less-filthy ones:
“Can we get Little Mix?”
In response, GF stated that although she didn’t exactly know what kind of party food little mix was, she was more than happy to work with the students to make sure their catering ideas were taken on board.
No-one had the heart to tell her.
There followed a number of similar suggestions that were variations on the same theme:
- “Will there be booze?”
- “Can we drink beer?”
- “BEER BEER BEER!!!”
- “Imma get wrekt”
And so on and so forth.
AF said that there will be alcohol served in his office to the rest of the staff after the last one of darlings has been safely escorted off the premises and the gates have been locked. Quote: “I, for one, will certainly need to ‘get wrekt’ after all that.”
Transport was mentioned a number of times:
- “I’m getting a limo for me an me besties!!!”
- “Are horses allowed?’ – (“Allowed for what?” asked GF)
- “If I cn get a helicopter, cn I land it on roof?”
RF at this point interjected with, “I know that handwriting, that lad can’t even park his scooter properly.”
It was decided that students would provide their own transport whether it be by limousine, helicopter or unicorn.
Different roles were assigned to members of staff. Under protestation it was made clear to AF that he would not be responsible for the music as the kids have actually worked quite hard and it would be nice if they could enjoy themselves and have a dance rather than stand there befuddled as another 13-minute prog-rock opus blares out of the speaker system.
Different roles were assigned, with AF meeting and greeting. This will involve him having to try to smile and be personable, which will add some much-needed comic relief for the rest of the staff on the evening. GF will be responsible for catering and will ensure that the students have plenty of little mix to eat, and everyone else will be on security.
Any other business
Oh. Everyone’s gone already.
Meeting ended: promptly. NB – a grovelling apology to the caretaker will be required regarding unstacked chairs.
Tom Starkey is a teacher and writer who blogs at stackofmarking.wordpress.com. Follow him on Twitter at @tstarkey1212.
