How Not to Run a Community Outreach Programme in your School
Tom Starkey takes the minutes from your school's Community Outreach Programme meeting…
- by Tom Starkey
Present:
- GL – (Deputy Vice Principal)
- BB
- DH
- AC
Meeting held in:
DH’s class, as it’s furthest away from the main entrance and the group of angry residents that have taken to convening outside.
Item 1 – sure as eggs…
In an attempt to bolster the school’s relationship with the surrounding community after a series of events last month involving eggs, toilet paper, and the largest number of complaints made for a good decade, it has been decided that Y10 and 11 students will be involved in a community outreach programme that will show a more positive side of the school.
“It’s a positive step. This outreach will show our kids in a positive light,” stated GL.
“I’m pretty much positive that Mr Foster at No 17 may try to outreach for a couple of our kids’ throats after what they did to his hedge,” commented BN.
It was decided that even though this was a distinct possibility (and would be quite fun to watch), the good outweighed the bad and that a tidy up of public spaces around the school would take place (with a buffer zone implemented around No 17).
Item 2 – Attention: grabbers!
Each student involved will be issued with a bin liner, gloves and a poundshop grabber, then asked to clear a designated quadrant on a lovingly colour-coded map produced by AC (who was getting far too into this if you ask me).
“But who are we going to send when we’ve got to pick up all the disregarded bin liners, gloves and poundshop grabbers?” enquired DH.
“They’ll never dump the grabbers. You can grab things with them,” observed BB, astutely.
It was decided that each quadrant would be overseen by a staff volunteer to make sure that the students reached their potential and to pick up gloves, bags and count in grabbers at the end of the day.
“Bit like the boss of a chain gang,” said AC, with perhaps a little too much enthusiasm.
Item 3 – A real cool hand
Although inviting the obvious Cool Hand Luke comparisons, the staff agreed that community relations were incredibly important to the effective running of the school, and that by making sure the kids clean up after causing so much sticky havoc, the message would be sent that the school and the kids actually care about the community that they are a big messy part of.
It was noted by members of staff at this point that, in fact, a large number of the students had already volunteered for the scheme of their own volition.
“And that was before they got wind that they’d be grabbers!” added BH.
“Or truncheons for the staff,” joked DH.
“WE’RE GETTING TRUNCHEONS?!” exclaimed AH, in obvious excitement at having the chance to enact his favourite prison movies.
At that point, GL decided it would be a good time to draw the meeting to a close and also have a quiet word with AL.
AOB
It was requested that the back entrance be unlocked in case Mr Foster was waiting out front.
Meeting adjourned
In time to creep out quietly.
Tom Starkey is a teacher and writer who blogs at stackofmarking.wordpress.com. Follow him on Twitter at @tstarkey1212.
