Alex Brooker’s Schooldays – “I Was A Bit Cheeky”
My mum wanted to send me to a special needs school, but my dad didn’t see the need for it. I ended up going to a mainstream infant and primary school, where I was very well looked after, but it was a bit of a challenge for them. Back then I was still having operations […]
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My mum wanted to send me to a special needs school, but my dad didn’t see the need for it.
I ended up going to a mainstream infant and primary school, where I was very well looked after, but it was a bit of a challenge for them. Back then I was still having operations on my hands, and the school had to help me work out how to write. I had visits from an occupational therapist who got me to write with triangular pencils and pens and try using a laptop, but I didn’t end up using the laptop as much – I just preferred to write.
As a student, I was okay.
I was a bit cheeky – I did what a lot of kids do and tested the boundaries a bit, seeing what I could and couldn’t get away with. I used my disability when I felt like it, which was probably bad. Mum and dad worked with me a lot outside school on my spelling and particularly with maths, which was my one sore point, and I had private lessons. I wasn’t falling behind as such, as I understood a lot of the subject. It was more to keep me ahead.
I decided I wanted to be a football journalist before I’d even left primary school.
I wrote my first match report after Arsenal lost to Real Zaragoza in the 1995 Cup Winners’ Cup Final, which left me absolutely gutted. My way of getting over it was to write about it. I’d just turned 11, and knew then that a football journalist was what I wanted to be. And that never changed, right the way through school.
I did the 11-plus and went to the local boys’ grammar school, Norton Knatchbull.
There was a bit of a boisterous atmosphere there. I remember other kids getting bullied a bit, but I was very fortunate in that I didn’t have to deal with that. I was friends with some of the tougher kids in class and never really got messed about with.
The teachers included me in everything.
I never felt there was anything I couldn’t do, even when it came to sport. I was obviously better at some sports than others, but I played rugby, cricket and hockey. I remember the games teacher once going out of his way to get someone he knew to make me a special glove with Velcro on the end to help me hold a hockey stick. The teacher, Mr Challis, didn’t have to do that.
It’s a big thing to have – a good network of people who are willing to go above and beyond. The school hadn’t had many disabled pupils before that, but they really looked after me, and I’m extremely grateful. I’ve visited a couple of times since, and it was a pleasure to go back.
I probably found moving to secondary easier than most.
At primary school you’d sit at tables with kids working at a similar pace, and the boys on my table went to Norton Knatchbull with me, which helped.
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There’s a story I tell in my stand-up about my first day at secondary, when we had a lesson in the school’s outdoor swimming pool. I remember the games teacher putting armbands on me and putting me in a canoe, which I thought was a bit odd, and wondered how he was going to fit another 29 canoes in the pool. He didn’t give me an oar, so I remember just spinning around, watching everyone else having swimming lessons. A lad I was at primary with told the teacher I could swim further than him, and I remember the teacher running up and helping me out the canoe, because it turned out he’d just wanted me to be included – which was sweet, but quite funny…
The only bad memories are little things, really.
I remember once getting in trouble for something I didn’t do. A kid had scratched something offensive on a teacher’s car, and I was hauled in by a teacher who had it in for me. To be fair, they treated me like everyone else – I was named as a suspect and questioned – but at no point did anyone seem to think, ‘The words were quite well written – does Alex actually have the dexterity to key someone’s car that accurately?’ I was like, ‘Look guys, come on…’ Eventually common sense did prevail.
There were often kids in class who’d give deliberately shocking answers to teachers’ questions.
They’d always get a laugh, which I still think about sometimes. I suppose you could say my comedy is very much that of a 13-year-old child…
After studying journalism at Liverpool John Moores University, Alex went on to work for the Press Association as a sports journalist covering football in print and online. In 2010 he successfully applied for Channel 4’s ‘Half a Million Quid Talent Search’, which led to him joining the broadcaster’s 2012 Paralympics presenter line-up, including a role on the evening discussion show The Last Leg – since expanded into a live weekly satirical chat show that he continues to present alongside comedians Adam Hills and Josh Widdicombe.
For more information, visit the Channel 4 website or follow @alex_brooker
