Last Meeting’s Minutes – Re: Streaming of Classes
“Those who believe in talismans have brought their lucky pens…”
- by Tom Starkey
Today’s meeting topic: Streaming of Classes
Present: Everyone who has a stake…It’s packed to the rafters.
Apologies from: No-one. They’d be mad to miss this.
Meeting held in: The main hall. Nowhere else is big enough.
Item 1
It’s about ‘reports and things’ It was restated by our glorious leader RL that streaming is a good way to pool resources and thereby lessen teacher workload.
It was also restated (after a number of anonymous suggestions in reference to the last meeting on the subject) that streaming has, in no way, been implemented so that certain members of the Senior Leadership Team can harvest off all the most-able classes and make like they’re the best thing to happen to teaching since clickers with those little lazer pointers in them.
When ST (who has been reading a bit too much about education for just about anyone’s liking) asked about the evidence base for this most recent decision, RL muttered something about ‘reports and things’ and was later seen to be putting a line through a name on a list.
But to be honest no-one really cares about that because, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE MAIN EVENT IS HERE WHICH IS…
ITEM 2
Anyone but them Breath is short. Those who believe in talismans have brought their lucky pens, their photos of beloved children, anything that they believe will make things swing their way.
Silent prayers are made and fingers are crossed in the hope, the hope beyond hope, that their groups will be in the top half of the table, that the dark shadow of the bottom set will pass over them, to rest on somebody, anybody else.
This is no time for charity. Each of them are alone in their victory or their suffering.
Science is the first to be chosen.
The dozen staff share nervous looks as the allocation sheets are passed out.
A pregnant pause punctuated by the rustle of paper as each of them look for what their fate may be.
A stifled cheer goes up from AH as he realises that he’s got the top class. Other reactions are varied but even those from that have been chosen to lead some of the lower sets have a sense of relief about them.
Then there’s OC. OC’s face is frozen in a rictus of terror.
He looks desperately to the left and to the right with eyes pleading for this not to be so.
The other staff move away from him, as if what he has is contagious, further and further until OC I’d left alone, weeping and raging at anyone stupid enough to get close.
“I’m sure with such a positive attitude, OC will achieve success with even our most challenging of groups,” says RL as he beckons a couple of vice principals to lead OC away.
The rest of the meeting goes much the same for the different departments.
Some are lucky and some are sacrificed. Just because the lucky ones seem to hold senior positions is neither here nor there.
As is the fact that for some reason, ST received four bottom sets.
AOB
No, I’m not hanging around so they can give one of them to me.
Meeting adjourned:
As fast as possible.
