Are we Really More Enthralled by our Online Lives than we are Interested in our Own Children?
Several of the children who have taken part in the How to Speak Child interview process have complained about struggling to get the attention of adults – especially when it comes to prising them away from their technological crutches
What lesson would you like grown-ups to learn about how to talk to children?
“Not to get lost in looking at their phones and then five minutes later say, ‘What?’”
– G (female)
This answer is not an isolated response. Several of the children who have taken part in the How to Speak Child interview process have complained about struggling to get the attention of adults – especially when it comes to prising them away from their technological crutches.
This is somewhat of an irony, considering that it tends to be youngsters who are the most regularly accused of being unable to put down their devices and engage with people and the world
IRL it’s also the response that has generated the greatest sense of shame from the grown-ups.
Overwhelmingly, adults have admitted to having been found out, holding their hands up and confessing, “Yes, that’s me, I’m so guilty of that!”
So what’s up with us? How come we are allowing ourselves to be so weak and so hypocritical to boot? Are we really so much more in thrall to our online lives than we are interested in our own children?
Of course we aren’t; we are merely, like them, the victims of a huge commercial machine whose business it is to grab our attention and hang on to it for as long as possible.
Let’s not beat ourselves up about it – and after all, at your setting or school, it’s not a problem is it? Because you are busy with the greater task of teaching, and all that time-eating social media and so forth is under lock and key.
Show them they matter
However, even in the classroom, we can still be guilty of allowing ourselves to be distracted from what our children are trying to tell us, whether we’re lost in our own thoughts or internal dialogue, trying to do too many things at once, or juggling the tech we use for teaching and the demands on our attention from the little ones.
We get used to dismissing their persistent calls to be noticed whilst we grapple with constant multi-tasking, but we must beware that it doesn’t become habitual and eventually lead to our children giving up and feeling that their voices don’t matter.
When the boot is on the other foot, we find it incredibly frustrating, so it’s important that we apply the old Do-As-You-Would-Be-Done-By adage.
Take a deep breath and employ some empathy, no matter how many times it’s happened before; explain that they need to wait, and let them know why. We are role models whether we like it or not, so if we are displaying undesirable behaviour, we lose credibility when we later berate them for doing the same.
Even if we are not particularly paying heed to them, they are taking in everything that we do, judging if they believe it to be acceptable, and exercising their profound sense of injustice.
The seeds you sow now will define the nature of the fruit we’ll all get to enjoy in the future. So let them see that they are worthy of your attention, and that even if they have to be patient and wait for you, they are secure in the knowledge that they take precedence over any device.
Learn more
As part of the How to Speak Child project, Nikky has been collecting interviews with children about how adults communicate with them. she’ll look at a selection of prominent themes over the course of the series, but to read more now, you can… head to the How to Speak Child blog, at howtospeakchild.com/blog and join her Facebook page at facebook.com/Howtospeakchild.
Nikky Smedley is a writer, educator and passionate advocate for the child.
