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You Must Help Anxious Children Cope When There Are Unfamiliar Faces In Your Classroom

Not all adults realise how tall and intimidating they can appear to a small child, explains Adele Devine

Adele Devine
by Adele Devine
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Three strangers unexpectedly walk into your classroom. School inspectors? you wonder. But surely you would have been told? Without waiting, they brush past you, stand behind you, then start making notes and talking about you. You smile warmly, seeking reassurance, but they do not smile back. Who are they? What do they want? How might you feel?

How might the children feel when visitors arrive? Intimidated, invaded, insecure, anxious, worried, fearful, sad, distracted, nervous, angry?

It’s important to consider whether we provide the children in our care with sufficient warnings and explanations, and time to process when there are visitors. Similarly, do we provide our visitors with guidelines about expected behaviour around children? Not all adults realise how tall and intimidating they can appear to a small child, or how important it is that they smile.

You could try displaying the following letter outside your classroom door:

Dear visitor,

Welcome to our class. Please understand that some of our children can get anxious when people come and go, so please take a moment to read our rules before you enter:

1.When you come in, please wait quietly by the door.
2.If the teacher is doing something that has our attention, wait.
3.Smile your biggest smile so we know you are happy to see us.
4.Our teacher will come and show you where to leave your things.
5.Speak to us, not about us, and please crouch down to our eye level.
6.We are curious, so tell us your name and who you are.
7.Speak quietly and simplify your language. Sign if you can!
8.Don’t move too fast, disturb our toys or do anything unpredictable.
9.We love praise, so if you see a ‘wow’, please tell our teachers.
10.Sit down, play and learn with us. We are so full of fun!

Thank you!

Final thoughts

In the wonderful book Autism: An Inside-Out Approach Donna Williams offers a brilliant outline for what would be her ‘ideal educational environment’, which I believe all educators should read. When it comes to visitors she suggests that “nobody unexpected would enter without everyone getting a cue and processing time to expect the change”. (p284)

Happy families A few weeks later Mum gave me an update. She said that most of the family had been really supportive and said that having it all written down helped them to understand. Knowing that they were less likely to arrive at any minute helped Mum feel less anxious and on edge too. The social story and work at school enabled Freddy to behave much better for longer when there was an unscheduled visit.


Help them prepare

10 ways to reduce anxiety about visitors

Tell children when you expect visitors.
Add ‘visitor’ to the visual timetable.
Prepare the way with visitor role play.
Display visitor ‘rules’ outside the door.
Say “hello” and explain who people are.
Prepare and share a social story about visitors.
Allocate staff to support children as needed.
Get out the toys the children enjoy most.
Allow children time out of class, if needed.
Ensure that visitors say “goodbye” before leaving.

Adele Devine is a teacher at Portesbery School and director of SEN Assist.

We could not remove Tyler’s anxiety about people coming and going, but the strategies we introduced helped support him. We were providing vital explanations and warnings. This meant that Tyler had a better understanding of what was happening when he saw people come and go.


Case study – Freddy’s extended family

Family reactions Freddy’s mum explained that she was finding it increasingly difficult whenever the extended family came to visit. Freddy was a chatty, busy and active child who liked to have 100% adult attention, 100% of the time.

Mum’s issue was that the family would arrive unannounced and expect tea and a chat. When Freddy was entertained all was well. But when Mum’s attention shifted from him, his behaviour would spiral until he was throwing things at her. The family would leave and Mum always felt awful. She was angry with Freddy and felt judged by the family.

Family support We talked a bit about the family. Mum said that they all thought Freddy’s behaviour was due to her parenting skills and were openly sceptical about the ADHD and autism diagnosis “because he was so clever and social”. Mum felt she couldn’t talk to them about it any more because she would either cry or get cross.

We decided it might be good to put an explanation about Freddy in writing. This way Mum could explain in words that were measured and clear. Mum would also request that for the moment non-urgent visits were saved for school hours or scheduled, because that would help Freddy prepare and set him up to succeed. I would send home a social story about visitors and we would do some role-play work on it at school.

Happy families A few weeks later Mum gave me an update. She said that most of the family had been really supportive and said that having it all written down helped them to understand. Knowing that they were less likely to arrive at any minute helped Mum feel less anxious and on edge too. The social story and work at school enabled Freddy to behave much better for longer when there was an unscheduled visit.


Help them prepare

10 ways to reduce anxiety about visitors

Tell children when you expect visitors.
Add ‘visitor’ to the visual timetable.
Prepare the way with visitor role play.
Display visitor ‘rules’ outside the door.
Say “hello” and explain who people are.
Prepare and share a social story about visitors.
Allocate staff to support children as needed.
Get out the toys the children enjoy most.
Allow children time out of class, if needed.
Ensure that visitors say “goodbye” before leaving.

Adele Devine is a teacher at Portesbery School and director of SEN Assist.

If we are going to be observed, we are given a date to put in the diary so we are prepared. We must ensure we offer children the same respect, accommodations and support.


Case study – Tyler and the intolerable changes

Observing reactions We had noticed changes in Tyler’s behaviour since the summer holidays. He was more emotional and would sometimes pinch or bite, but there was no clear reason. Tyler’s speech was developing, but at this time he only had a few words (not enough language to explain his feelings).

Further investigations I phoned home and Mum said that Tyler had been very upset when his older sister had started boarding school. They had a really close bond and she played with him a lot. She was boarding weekly, but loved school so much she sometimes chose to stay for weekends too. The family had seen a real change in Tyler’s behaviour at home. When family visited he would try to stop them leaving. He would try to stop his dad leaving to go to work, pulling at him to keep him home.

The root of Tyler’s anxiety seemed to be people leaving, and when we thought about the times we saw his behaviour change in school, we realised people coming and going was often the trigger.

Adding support I asked Mum to send photos of the family and created an interactive social story with them, alongside images of staff and other children on string so we could move them and show Tyler where they were going – for example, showing ‘Daddy at work’. We added ‘visitor’ to the visual timetable if we were aware of an upcoming visit. All staff had a lanyard with symbols, including the ‘visitor’ symbol.

We could not remove Tyler’s anxiety about people coming and going, but the strategies we introduced helped support him. We were providing vital explanations and warnings. This meant that Tyler had a better understanding of what was happening when he saw people come and go.


Case study – Freddy’s extended family

Family reactions Freddy’s mum explained that she was finding it increasingly difficult whenever the extended family came to visit. Freddy was a chatty, busy and active child who liked to have 100% adult attention, 100% of the time.

Mum’s issue was that the family would arrive unannounced and expect tea and a chat. When Freddy was entertained all was well. But when Mum’s attention shifted from him, his behaviour would spiral until he was throwing things at her. The family would leave and Mum always felt awful. She was angry with Freddy and felt judged by the family.

Family support We talked a bit about the family. Mum said that they all thought Freddy’s behaviour was due to her parenting skills and were openly sceptical about the ADHD and autism diagnosis “because he was so clever and social”. Mum felt she couldn’t talk to them about it any more because she would either cry or get cross.

We decided it might be good to put an explanation about Freddy in writing. This way Mum could explain in words that were measured and clear. Mum would also request that for the moment non-urgent visits were saved for school hours or scheduled, because that would help Freddy prepare and set him up to succeed. I would send home a social story about visitors and we would do some role-play work on it at school.

Happy families A few weeks later Mum gave me an update. She said that most of the family had been really supportive and said that having it all written down helped them to understand. Knowing that they were less likely to arrive at any minute helped Mum feel less anxious and on edge too. The social story and work at school enabled Freddy to behave much better for longer when there was an unscheduled visit.


Help them prepare

10 ways to reduce anxiety about visitors

Tell children when you expect visitors.
Add ‘visitor’ to the visual timetable.
Prepare the way with visitor role play.
Display visitor ‘rules’ outside the door.
Say “hello” and explain who people are.
Prepare and share a social story about visitors.
Allocate staff to support children as needed.
Get out the toys the children enjoy most.
Allow children time out of class, if needed.
Ensure that visitors say “goodbye” before leaving.

Adele Devine is a teacher at Portesbery School and director of SEN Assist.

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