“The Headmaster Saw The Fact I Was Bullied As A Part Of My ‘Learning Experience”
What impact can having a disability have on your ability to make friends at school? Three adults tell their stories…
- by Teachwire
‘Most of my friends were adults”
Simon Stevens has cerebral palsy and is a disability consultant, activist, writer and performer Looking back at my school days, I didn’t have many friends who were the same age as myself. Most of my friends were adults, especially those I’ve kept in touch with over the years. I believe this is because I had to work with adults on an unconscious level to realise my freedom and have my intelligence respected as someone with a speech impairment. I therefore lost a lot of my childhood.
I experienced significant bullying throughout my time at the all-boys mainstream school I attended. The headmaster saw the fact I was bullied as a part of my ‘learning experience’ – something I had to get used to as a part of my future. To make friends I had to meet people most of the way, but instead of making me withdrawn it made me angry and frustrated as I refused to accept I was more or less important than anyone else.
I had one friend at school, Matthew, whose mother was coincidentally also my teaching assistant for science and other subjects. He was the geek of the class, and we bonded through our interest in computers. On reflection, it was not a very deep relationship, and once we reached sixth form college we drifted apart. I kept in contact with his mother, though – it seemed I’d made more of myself than he had.
I think that making friends was made more difficult for me because I was ‘integrated’ rather than ‘included’ in school, in an era where my level of impairment made me a ‘freak’ due to the stigma of disability at the time. I’d assumed the role of an ugly duckling, with no peers with a similar impairment – too busy managing everyday life and barriers put in place by others to afford friendships. It wasn’t until instant messaging and social media came along that making real friends became possible.
