12 Things Primary Teachers Know About Christmas
Five gold rings? Four calling birds? Not in primary schools. Jonny Walker runs down what teachers can expect in the run up to Christmas
- by Jonny Walker
1. Children sing the word ‘wish’ in We Wish You A Merry Christmas 50 decibels louder than any other word.
2. Several mince pies and a fistful of Celebrations are an acceptable lunch.
3. The decision about who gets to be Joseph and Mary sparks WW3 among parents.
4. Your classroom looks like the tinsel aisle of Poundland has been pipe bombed.
5. A child will fall off the stage during the nativity. 6. A rogue Y5 will launch a campaign of misinformation, (falsely) alleging that Santa isn’t real.
7. Staff Christmas party: hyped up for two months then regretted for two months. 8. Someone sabotages the staff Secret Santa by purchasing innuendo-laden smut.
9. Both maths and RE lessons are ruined by the angle/angel spelling issue.
10. You won’t need to buy anti-perspirant for a year once your children have given their gifts to you.
11. When January arrives you’ll be more tired than when you left, and a stone heavier.
12. Eating a packet of crisps then playing musical statues for ten minutes is an acceptable classroom party.
Jonny Walker is a KS2 primary teacher. Find him at jonnywalkerteaching.wordpress.com and follow him on Twitter at @jonnywalker_edu.
